My special daddy…

Today is a day that is a day dedicated to Father’s, but daddy every day is a special day that should be dedicated to you.

I know that if I was there, I would have made you a special card, with sticky fingers and lots of mess. I would have made you ginger bread men at nursery, but the little men would have come home with no arms, because I might have eaten them on the way home. Mummy would have told me not too, but I would have done it anyway, you would have loved them without arms anyway, I just know it.

With mummy’s help I would have made you breakfast in bed, but not before having snuggles, and then I would have done some really good jumping up and down on your bed. And because you’re super lucky I would have helped you eat your toast, because that’s my favourite.

But the thing is, I’m not there. But today doesn’t feel any worse than yesterday or tomorrow, maybe slightly more poignant, because we don’t get to wake up together any day and this makes me really sad. But I don’t want you to be sad, because you’re being the best daddy that I could ever wish for. And for every day that we spend apart is one day closer to the day that we’ll be together again. But daddy, you have a really important job to do, you and mummy. I gave you a really special gift, I gave you a little baby, a little brother or sister from me, because you deserve it, you deserve to be happy, you deserve to be able to hold a little baby again and you deserve to love and be loved. Just like we did.

Daddy I really miss you, and I see how upset you are, I see mummy cry and hurt and I see how you look after her. I know how much you worry about her. I know that despite all of your own pain you make sure that she is ok and the little peanut growing inside her belly. I know there will always be something missing from our little family of four, but just know daddy that I follow you around all the time. I never leave your side. I know that your strength comes from me and as you gently put one foot in front of the other, I will hold you. I will quietly slip my little hand into yours and slowly help you forwards.

From my little white fluffy cloud I’m sending you the biggest, squeeziest of all the hugs.

I love you daddy, your little William xxxxx

Dear daddy, happy father’s day…

Today you are spending your first father’s day without me since I came up here to heaven, so I just wanted to send you a little message.

I am sitting up here looking down at you imagining all the fun things that we would be doing not just today but everyday, but today is extra special because it’s a day that I get to show you just what a wonderful daddy you are.

Nobody knows how many times you’ve cried when no-one is watching. Nobody knows how many times you’ve lost hope, and how many times you’ve felt let down. Nobody knows how many times you felt like you’re about to snap, but you just don’t for the sake of others. Nobody knows the thoughts that go through your head when you’re sad and how horrible they really are but I do, I share them with you.

It feels like the world has stopped but it still gets dark and light, the ocean still has waves, the flowers still bloom and the birds still sing. The rain still rains and the wind still blows. The Moon still gives way to the Sun as it rises in the morning sky. As it does you open my curtains, but instead of thrusting my arms in the air for you to pick me up, I wrap my arms around you and hold you tight. You can’t see me, but I’m there, guiding you through the day.

Daddy, I am here to protect you, and as long as I am here protecting you, there is no-one on Earth that can break you. You made me so happy, I miss you every moment of the day and I love you very much. You can do the impossible daddy, because you’ve been through the unimaginable, I’m so proud of you daddy and I’m so proud of the way that you look after my mummy.

I’m still wearing the smile that you gave me.

Love your little Grumpus xxxx